Missing Childhood

The past week has left me feeling sad, nostalgic, and worried for the future. I was hoping to end the week feeling refreshed, happy, and motivated. but instead I find myself feeling frozen by so many things. I spent part of the week at my grandparents', and although I always love to go there, I often find myself wishing that I could turn back time to when I was a child. Going there brings back a lot of memories from childhood, probably because it has been such an important part of my life for as long as I can remember. I find myself wishing I could do some things over again, and I wish I was able to put into words how much my family means to me. I feel like some connection has been lost in that department. I feel that time is moving way too fast now, and I wish I could gain back that feeling of happiness and security I felt as a little girl. Lately, I've been interested in finding children's books I read many years ago, but coming across them online, although fun and interesting, has strangely been a sad experience as well. It has only heightened this feeling that time has escaped me. It brought back memories of playing in the Little House my grandfather and uncle built for my sister and me, running through the field on long summer days, and not realizing that childhood someday does end. I can only hope that the changes coming up will help to bring back my happiness and feeling of "rightness" to my life. The past few days, I have found myself crying out of nowhere as I think of all the things that seem to be going wrong lately, and all the things that used to feel so right. I wish that the next month would somehow be over so I could feel that progress is being made. Lately I've had a very bad feeling from work and I am so ready to start this new student teaching thing. Helping people to learn about the things I get so much joy from will hopefully bring me more happiness than sadness and discontent, which is all I am feeling at the moment. I don't mean to sound depressing but I just had to get these feelings out on paper.

Until next time.